i havent posted in a while, and now i dont know where to start. there has been a kaleidoscope of thoughts in my head, about a plethora of subjects, once again feeling like i have a flock of birds in my head.
first off, we came through the recent ice storm unscathed. we have lived psalm 91 in this. thousands and ten thousands around us have lost their power and been in the cold and dark for over a week now. but the two most brutal strikes of the storm, those of freezing rains, went one to the south and one to the north of us, leaving everything covered in sheathes of thick ice. but tulsa got only the first wave, sleet that doesnt stick to power lines and trees. though the streets were paved with ice smooth like glass, and yards shined like polished white crystal, we suffered no serious damages. and so we camped indoors, like bears in our lighted cave, but awake.
this weekend we saw only cold rain, instead of the snow that was predicted to blanket us. this helped to melt what remains of the ice, until the sloppy slush is finally all gone.
sammy became rather dehydrated again friday, and wouldnt eat saturday morning. so i took her to the vet to get fluids. this time she was given subcutaneous fluids rather than an iv. easier on her, faster administration, and something i can follow up with at home when she needs more. poor little kitty … so thin, and now with saddlebags under her front legs where the water settled. but she is feeling better, and as she absorbs the water, i can give her more without having to take her anywhere. she ate some trout from my plate last night, just a little, but i wanted her to eat something. but she still has no appetite for her cat food. so i give her yogurt with a syringe, to keep her strength up till she feels like eating her food again. ah, my little patient. she is such a trooper.
i sent my mother a digital picture frame, perfect for the technologically challenged. it was a late Christmas gift. included was a memory card that had about 50+ pictures on it of various things of our daily life. she loves it!
the inward things i have been mulling around in my head have to do with my own psyche. things like how i always feel like i should be doing something else, no matter what im doing. or that i need to hurry, so i can get on with the next thing. i think this is from the old hyperactivity i was diagnosed with as a small child. i think this is why i have ‘flock of scattered birds’ thoughts so often. so many times i want to sit down and write about past things that still trouble me, or current things that bother me, only to lose what i was thinking when i actually get to the computer. the birds have scattered once again.
then there is the conflict i have over sharing my struggles. so often i have tried to, only to feel like im dwelling on things i should be walking away from. and truly, its not like i suffer deeply now. its more like, when engaging in conversations or interactions with people i am associated with, on any level, i feel so foreign, so alien. i generally feel inept at communicating. my concept of good communication seems to be different than most. my concept of most things seems to be different than most. sigh.
but if i only share my triumphs, my expressions will be shallow, hollow. what good is a triumph, if there was no struggle preceding it? i am a Christian, and that is to say i have accepted the gifts, the tools, and the weapons, that God has offered us all. it doesnt mean i have been delivered from all problems. it doesnt mean i will never face another challenge. it means i now have at my disposal all the resources of God and heaven to overcome and win every time. one of my challenges has been to learn to use those things effectively. this is where the intrusion of religion most likes to occur. but that will be another post for another day.
for now, i do feel the need to get with other, more mundane, tasks of the day. saving the world and writing great posts will have to wait, i have to take a shower and vacuum the carpet, while the beau sleeps in.