Pentagon’s Top-Secret Brownie Recipe Revealed
Are you looking for a way to recognize the soldier in your life today? How about making them a batch of brownies? Soldiers love brownies. Soldiers love brownies so much the Pentagon has a special recipe for brownies enjoyed by U.S. soldiers all over the world. How special is this recipe? It’s 26 pages long, so you know it has to be good. In fact, why don’t we make a batch together, right now?
What? You’re concerned about the quality of the ingredients? Ah, the Pentagon has addressed that issue, as well:
“3.2 Ingredients. All ingredients shall be clean, sound, wholesome, and free from foreign material, evidence of rodent or insect infestation, extraneous material, off-odors, off-flavors, and off-colors.”
And to make sure the brownies look like brownies – no one likes brownies that look like, say, cupcakes or Salisbury steak – the Pentagon has given specifications for the final results:
a. There shall be no foreign material such as, but not limited to, dirt, insect parts, hair, wood, glass, or metal.
b. There shall be no foreign odor or flavor such as, but not limited to, burnt, scorched, stale, sour, rancid, musty, or moldy.
c. There shall be no color foreign to the product.
d. Chocolate coating shall completely cover the product.
e. Product shall not be broken or crushed.
f. The dimensions of the coated brownie shall not exceed 3-1/2 inches by 2-1/2 inches by 5/8 inch.
g. The weight of the coated brownie shall be not less than 46 grams.
h. The texture of the brownie shall be firm but not hard.
Hmm. Perhaps we should simply forget making this particular recipe. While it is designed to ensure food made for the military can last up to three years when issued as part of the infamous MREs (Meals Ready to Eat), they do seem to lack in certain homey touches to say nothing of the chance you’ll end up in the brig for failing to meet specifications.
Here’s a better idea. Go head and make your soldier a batch of brownies but use one of our recipes instead. Trust me. They’ll thank you for it.