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how can I describe what happened to me last night? it was like light bursting forth in my spirit. it was like ocean waves cresting over me. the love God has for me came over me in a way I haven’t experienced in a long time.

I once did a word search on joy in the bible. I found Zephaniah 3:17 in that search. it says God will joy over me with singing. the word ‘joy” used there is ‘giyl’, and it means to dance, to tremble, to leap for joy, to rejoice even to exultation. it dawned on me that God felt this way about me. no wonder I was overcome!

a couple of other verses came to mind, which I read, and saw what they were really saying.

Malachi 3:10 says bring all the tithes to the storehouse, and “’prove  Me now herewith, if I will not open to you the windows of heaven …’ and I saw how eager God is to bless me.

Mark 11:22 Jesus said ‘have faith in God’. this one struck me because I saw that it wasn’t like you hear most people quote it. you hear the inflection on ‘God’, and the implication is to have faith. most people, christian or not, are glad to see that someone has faith to carry them through trials. but faith alone is not enough. if I have faith in something I can’t see, and I lean my weight on it, it doesn’t matter how much I believe in it, if it isn’t real it won’t support me. planes, for example, can fly because along with thrust they have real air to rest their weight on, to achieve lift. if the air wasn’t there, gravity would never let them get off the ground. but Jesus put the inflection on ‘faith’, implying that God can truly be counted on to be there and to perform His oath as promised. it’s like when you say ‘have faith in me’ to someone you want to encourage. you put the inflection on the word ‘faith’. or when you exclaim that you have no faith in a leader, you do the same. it expresses the faithfulness of the person in question. Jesus said ‘have faith in God. He loves you. He keeps His word’.

I went to bed laughing, and somewhat giddy, like the first time I ever thought I was in love. everything I am facing right now seems so ineffective. I woke up laughing.

I don’t have to try anymore. trust is no longer an effort.

I crossed over.

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