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I have made a decision. I have decided to let the house go back to the bank, unless my buyer shows up before I can get the process going.

this decision wasn’t made lightly, rashly, or in an abandonment of faith. I still believe God answered my prayer and has a buyer for me, according to His promises. some may argue that point, thinking it just wasn’t God’s will. but I have never seen God fail to keep a promise He has made in His Word, not in 33 years. nor have I known Him to make me guess what His will is while floundering around in the midst of confusing circumstance. His promise is to make His will known to us, and to speak to us ‘this is the way, walk ye in it’(isaiah 30:21). neither has He given me nor the beau the grace to live here any longer. so I simply told Him that this is the only way I see to move forward, and we can no longer tolerate staying. if this is not the way He wants me to do this, He will provide another.

the heat has become toxic to both of us. used to be, the beau could tolerate it, even liked it. but now it seems it oppresses him greatly. I never have liked it, but I was able to bear it if I had to. now I am hard pressed to take it, getting weakish and light headed. it also makes the house hard to cool off sufficiently in the afternoon. even the dogs hate being in it.

the recent workers comp case went to court for the injury to the beau’s hand last month, and he was awarded some money, but the insurance company appealed, claiming a minor overpayment, so the money we were going to use to catch up on some over due bills, and utility costs, was again delayed. this has cost us to have the gas shut off once, and the water twice. God provided so we could get them turned back on, but it it such an awful experience. its an awful place to reside in, as well, when we are so used to not only keeping things current, but paid up in advance. still, we have favor. we have help from unexpected places, even though the groups and agencies who offer assistance are not as user friendly as most people think they are.

the beau has been unable to find a reasonable job that he can do since he was released to go back to work. the insurance doctor who ‘treated’ him – I say that lightly because all he did was order physical therapy, and cut it short before he was ready to be done with it, and also ignored any of the complaints he had about his elbow, which injury became apparent shortly after the initial pain and trauma to his fingers subsided, calling it tennis elbow. anyway, this doctor gave him a 0% disability rating, despite the fact that he cannot use his hand the same, and has lost some use and much strength in it. so finding work he can do, and then actually getting hired, have proved … difficult. mind you, the attorney we had also failed to listed to his complaints about his elbow. asinine negligence. we have therefore been getting by on what I make. this has also been hard on him, with little to do and only his ebay auctions to manage.

there have been other things going on, like having our internet service shut off a second time a week after we paid the past due amount, because someone forgot to rescind the shut off order. then we both spent much time and effort with the customer service people trying to get them to listen first, then get the service turned back on, while they rattle on reading their scripts and then disconnect you repeatedly. he finally got a manager the following day who apologized for the reprehensible service, and had our internet back on in 25 minutes. geez.

most recently, as the beau was going through a program ‘good will’ offers for vocational retraining, he came down with pneumonia. great. poor guy, he has been sick for two weeks with pretty high fevers. I got him to a clinic that charges on a sliding scale, and it has helped. but its just going to take more time without a job. this is all very hard on him. he is more at risk for this kind of thing because he has sever allergies, and had asthma growing up that still presents a challenge. then there are the two oil refineries in tulsa. I don’t know about other refineries, but I do know that the two here have been paying fines for many years for the fugitive emissions pouring serious pollutants into the air, because its cheaper than fixing the problem. the beau used to work down on the river by sun oil as a contractor to clean up the sheen from the natural raw oil that seeps into the river. from there he could see the place referred to as ‘the black hole’ at the end of a drain coming from the refinery that dumps black and green and purple stuff into the river. its an ignored problem. the fish and turtles in the river bleed from their eyes because of stuff like this. he used to be acquainted with a woman on a team whose job it was to come up with ways to fix the leaks of emissions. they have always been ignored. the refineries always pay the fine on the 89th day, and the cycle begins again. it’s a chronic problem.

I would still prefer to sell the house. but I am not able to wait any longer. I guess we will see how this all plays out.