friday was a full moon. im sure that only exacerbated things. still, you would think people could show a little more respect … well, I guess not here.

it was crazy at work, but it generally is anymore. that isnt really even where things went awry.

the beau had gone to the exchange center to set up our booth. he didn’t take the coverings, because we were situated very close to the door, and we werent going to unpack the totes until early saturday morning. he couldn’t find help getting the tables to our spot, so he dragged the four we were going to use from the opposite end of the building where they were to our booth. he ended up having to relinquish two of them to an old couple because there was some confusion as to which space was ours. this was after he had wiped them down really good. so he dragged two more over, and began to set them in place. he had to call the lady in charge of the flea market, because there was another old guy with his trailer right in our spot, and he refused to move it, even after being asked politely. he was just a rude old dog.

so the beau got the tables set up, and set the totes and a few loose items on them to indicate we had these. then he left to do errands. when we got there together to finish setting up, we found our tables moved, our stuff on the floor, and one tote open. one table was gone, as were the two chairs. there are two handmade knives gone from the open tote as well.

this was just not acceptable. especially when he is always so polite and respectful to every one else. it was like being slapped, and then spit on. melissa, the market manager, came over upon request, but she was more concerned with the beau expressing anger at this than what had happed to him. she had the nerve to tell him he should watch who he directs his anger toward. this was after, we went to her office, waited till she finished talking to some other people, and calmly expressed his serious ire over the problem. no he wasn’t jovial. no he wasn’t cool. he was very angry. but he was respectful, and not out of control.

she then told him although it was wrong what had happened, she hoped if he found out who was responsible, that he would ‘make the right decision’. this was where I lost it. as she walked away, I saw red. I caught up with her, and firmly directed my angry at her. I didn’t lose control, but wanted to. I still chose my words, but I didn’t hold back what I thought or how sick and tired I was of being chastened for being angry about something. I am quite fed up with the double standard here in this state, where certain people are aloud to be angry about something, and express it, while others are not. I see it all the time. I said many things, none of which I regret, because I didn’t attack anyone or lapse into high school tactics. I said what was on my mind. and I didn’t hold back. and I didn’t hide behind office walls. and I didn’t use my inside voice.

I told her we were not going to set up.

it wasn’t just about me – although it sounds like it as I read back what ive written. it sounds like we grossly over reacted, because ive left out a lot. people can be so vexing sometimes. one thing I don’t handle very well is not being listened to or taken seriously.

and I know my beau. I know how much he takes before he says ‘enough’. im tired of seeing him rebuked for saying it.

sorry, this is a bit of a rant … ok a lot of a rant. if you don’t want to comment, its ok. I just had to finish getting it off my chest. there has been pressure on us because of the workers comp situation, and the way the doors all seem to have closed on us every way we turn lately. I know God has not forgotten us, nor abandoned us to this to ‘teach us something’. He will keep His promises to deliver. we’ve just both been feeling very backed into a corner for a while now.

today is better, and I can breathe again.