i had my annual eye exam last friday. my eyes are healthy, and the floaters i had last year have disappeared. glad for that, they were really annoying. only thing is my vision is a little bit more blurry, so im getting bifocals. thats ok, because my distance vision has always been a little indistinct. lately when i take off my reading glasses, after wearing them all day at work, my eyes dont want to shift back to normal. the nose pieces really bother my nose anyway.
i had glasses when i was about 8, because i was diagnosed with amblyopia, but they bothered my nose too much so i quit wearing them. i got them again when i was 26, because i have trouble reading the signs between grocery aisles from the end of the aisle, and they really made everything clear. i could see needles on fir trees from a block away. but, they bothered my nose, and constantly slipped down. so i abandoned the idea of wearing glasses. i always had 20/30 vision anyway. it was just this left eye that has the mild amblyopia. its only since i had the onset of all those floaters last year that prompted me to see the optometrist in the first place. besides, its good to get check ups since i have good insurance now and can afford id it.
so the new bifocals, which will be ready tuesday, will be different. they will be a lightweight plastic with no nose pieces, and they will fit differently so they wont slip down. at least i hope not. but they wont bother my nose. they will also get darker when i go out, which will be a plus because i can wear them driving. the best little add on will be the rose tint over the lenses, to minimize the harsh fluorescence i work under. this is wonderful, because colored tinting helps a dyslexic with reading, and rose works best for me.
all this got me to thinking. amblyopia, dyslexia, hyperglycemia, and a history of migraines. these are the things i have challenged me for half a century, in a world designed for none of them. none of them is severe, except the migraines, and the most frequent trigger for them is gone now. yet not being severe has made it challenging in other ways. it is just enough to make me stumble, but not enough to be evident there is a challenge. it has played hell with my interactions with other people, and strained my relationships. add to this the borderline personality disorder, or whatever it is. now the picture gets even more grim.
i was raised not to complain. actually, my mother couldnt deal with my personal struggles, so i was shamed for complaining about them. and truly, i have an innate trait that wont allow me to cave to my own problems. i know there are others with far worse afflictions. and so i am not complaining now. merely introspecting.
i do not define myself by these anomalies. i dont even claim them as mine. i do, however, identify with people who have challenges that arent apparent to the outside world. i actually enjoy membership in the island of misfit toys. this may seem contradictory to my stance as a covenant woman, but it isnt. rather, its a part of my testimony.
i define myself by who the bible says i am. i am more than an overcomer. i am a new creation. but what i am in Christ isnt always apparent either. this is where my testimony is. this is where my walk of faith lies. the Word of God is like a mirror, reflecting the image of Jesus, Who is the image of God. the more i look into that mirror at that image looking back at me, the more i begin to look like that image. that image really is what my born again spirit looks like, created in His image. its my mind, my will, and my emotions, that look like the old me. the body is just where i live. as my mind begins to conform to the new me, i gain more and more victory over the anomalies. and any other thing that rises up against what the Word says is mine. i get freer and freer of the old things that held me captive. like the rages. they are getting less severe, and further between, and less easily triggered. i havent got there yet, but im pressing on.
so in spite of my challenges with how my brain is wired, my struggles with my past, and the ever constant stream of things that weigh on me, i cant but hold my head up, because i know im a champion in the making.