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i was talking to my friend at work the other day about the things of God, and hearing His voice, and faith. she was intrigued when i told her that heaven was more real to me than here. but ever since i first decided to really follow after God, the reality of His presence has been with me. i remember walking down the street early one sunday morning, and the knowledge that i was a member of a different kingdom simply overwhelmed me. i thought, people will see me and not have a clue anything is different, but i am different now. im on a different team now.

that sense has never left me.

maybe its because i really believe it. there was a man that went to the bible study i had started going to who had been a Christian way longer than i had, who tried to offer some useful advice when he saw how excited i was over knowing Jesus. he told me not to trust my feelings. he said i would get over these feelings of excitement. in 28 years i have not gotten over those feelings. they have simply matured. its not that i havent gone through some very dry, barren places. its not that i havent faced some severe, long standing battles. i have been tried sorely, just as any believer is. but the thing is, those ‘feelings’ i had in the beginning werent my reason for believing. they were the result of my believing. i really believe God loves me. i really believe heaven is my destination. i really believe all the promises of God are yes and so be it in Christ. i may not act like a girl who has just fallen in love, like i was then. i would hope not. love is supposed to grow and deepen over the years. but i still believe i have a covenant with God, i have a relationship with God, i am infused with His Spirit, and His Word is the exact image of God – and all the things i believed in the beginning. and i still have feelings that are the result. if anything, my feelings are deeper. i know God better, and have more experience with his absolute faithfulness to His Word, and am more acquainted with that word. its that Word that i trust, and the God that the Word reveals.

and His presence is more real than ever.

its not like i dont ever have feelings of fear, discouragement, anger. i live in the same world everyone else does. and its a hostile place. it gets under my skin from time to time. often, really. and knowing that God is faithful to His Word, and experiencing His faithful results all the time, sometimes makes it even harder. because i know im nobody special. its not because of me.

this is what i was explaining to my friend at work. she often thinks i must different than her, and thats why i hear God speaking to me often. or why i get results all the time. or whatever. i told her the only real difference between me and her was likely that i just really believe the Word. all of it. i may not understand all of it. but i believe it, and i know God well enough now to know that He is consistent, and faithful to His Word.

and knowing that makes it more real to me than the world i live in.