after the last post, i received some very supportive comments from my friends. for this i am most grateful! these comments have done more than encourage me. they have, both individually, and collectively, changed the way i see myself. in a most fundamental way.
i used to see myself as a faceless mime, who carried about a trunk full of costumes and masks for all the different people and settings i might find myself in. since i made all the costumes and masks, some of them were better than others. some worked very well. some didnt work at all. and the trunk became heavier and heavier, with more and more people and places added to my life. i never threw away a costume, in case i needed it in the future.
what a burden it was!
but time and experience, and good friends, all have a way of wearing down the need to protect ones self. at least it did with me. as i have walked with God these last 27 years, i have found Him to be, as He promised to abraham and his seed, to be my Shield and my exceeding great Reward. as i have learned to trust Him, He has taken the burden of me off my hands. the comments from my last post are proof of this!
a thousand and one thanks!
my view of my self has cleared, and i have begun to see that i am many faceted, adaptable, fluid and changeable like water. but water, in all its forms, is still water. i am like water.
i love this, because i love water. i love to drink it, play in it, shower in it, watch it in the sky in all its many forms. and water, when it is very still in fluid pools, reflects everything that surrounds it. every person who looks into still pools sees their face there. and yet the water is still … water, pure and simple.
funny thing, because my birthstone is the aquamarine, a watery blue of sea and sky, with a legend of being a sailor’s stone.
i owe much to my God, for showing me my self in this way. and i owe much to my friends here for being so quick to respond, and so able to relate to me, and so generous with their kindness!
a side note. many years ago, when i first began to walk with God, He showed me a vision. it was a glass of water.
He asked me, ‘what do you see?’
i said, ‘ i see a glass of water.’
He said, ‘you dont really see the glass, because it is clear and pure and clean. you see the water. you are the glass, I am the water. be transparent, and let those who meet you see the water in you.’then something happened to the water in the glass. it turned to wine