i love the “but God”s in the bible. they turn a dismal or hopeless situation into a victorious celebration. one of my favorite “but God”s comes after describing the kind of invalidated person i feel to be in l Cor 1:26 “for ye see your calling. brethren, how that not many wise men, not many mighty, not many noble are called:”
then vs 27-28 says…
“but God hath chosen the foolish things of the world to confound the wise, and God has chosen the weak things of the world to confound the things that are mighty,
and the base things of the world, and the things which are despised, hath God chosen, and the things which are not, to bring to naught the things that are.”
this is my Glory Scripture! this is my salvation Scripture! this is my hope in the face of a world that has always rejected me!
in grade school i was the target of all the teasing and name calling for my class. i was called possum, because my last name was paulson. i was scorned at recess games, no one wanted me on their game teams. i was laughed at. i was told nobody wanted to be my friend. all the way to 7th grade in this pious catholic school. funny thing is, my mother had been chased home with rocks as a girl because she was a catholic.
in junior high and high school i was similarly taunted by some of the girls who thought they were special. but i did have one best friend, so it wasnt as bad. we both quit after finishing our sophomore year.
my family life wasnt much better. mom was often stricken with sever depression, and when she was home she stayed in her room alot. the girl next door was an on again off again friend, whose mother thought i was a spoiled brat, even though it was her daughter that went to tap dance and baton lessons, and was in so many other activities and clubs. i had no other friends. only a room full of toys and nobody to share them with.
when mom remarried, i had a whole new set of problems. my step sister hated me. really hated me. she stole money and clothes from me, was rude to me every chance she had, told me to my face that her dad wouldnt give me a red penny. that kind of came out of the blue one day. and she was aloud to go horse back riding when she stayed home sick from school. i was not aloud out of my room when i did. still hates me to this day. life with her was hell. it wasnt my fault her father divorced her mother and later met and married mine. but she took all her venomous rage out on me in insidious little ways all the time.
i ran away eight times. during one of those times i met my son’s father, who i married a few years later. that didnt go well either. i seem to have had a magnet for people who liked to play hard core mind games with me.
still, i got a wonderful son out of the deal. i just wasnt able to handle the emotional stress of a baby, and was already cracked too much to be stable. i couldnt take the crying. i should have known better, since i had fallen apart so badly before when i tried to baby sit my sister, and her crying rocked me so badly i tied her into her little baby chair so she wouldnt fall out, and sat her in the middle of the floor, and sat there in the recliner shaking so hard i couldnt talk, till mom and dad came home. i was shown great disapproval for that, ‘well we just wont have you baby sit anymore, since you obviously cant do it.’ i was 13 then, but years later at 21 my son’s crying had the same effect on me. worse.
i lost custody of him to the state, and then after praying decided he would be safer in a home with a family, and chose to give him up for adoption.
two other husbands came and left after that. but i never had another child.
i actually gave my life to the Lord shortly after my son’s adoption, before i remarried. that has been my salvation in so many more ways than simply knowing i will go to heaven. God has kept me with His Word all these years. the struggle, as it is for any one, is to really believe it. to acknowledge it isnt enough. you have to be convinced, and settled in your mind that what He says is true, even though it may sound too good to be true. it is true. its just that the world is so pathetically perverse and full of death and disappointments, that people are trained from birth to doubt anything good. but the writer of the letters in the new testament tells us over and over that thought our spirit is born again when we receive Christ, we still need to renew our minds in order to put on the new life we have been given. it isnt easy to go against the flow like that at first, but it does become more natural after time. if it were easy, every one would be doing it.