how many times have i started this post, only to run out of time i didnt have anyway?

the thing i struggle with most is validation. being taken as one of the rest.

how can i best explain? every one questions themselves occasionally. but i do frequently. not because i doubt my own mind, either. but because i find so often i am questioned and doubted.

once when i was a small child (and oh so often there after), when riding in a car up to washington state for my aunt’s funeral, i saw some deer. the were grown deer, one had antlers, and the other didnt. they also had spots. i was the only one who saw them on the side of the road grazing, up by the trees.

no one believed me. they didnt even pretend to believe me. ‘adult deer dont have spots. you imagined it.’ period.

well, for white tail deer, this is true. but there are a kind of deer that as adults are a small deer with spots. but since the adults didnt know about this small deer, they simply told me i was wrong.

not so wounding, you say? as an isolated event, maybe. but as a moment in time that i remember, that repeated itself over and over again in my life, till i learned that nothing i said was going to be taken as real or valid or trustworthy by anyone, well….

maybe i just need to act like im never wrong…