for those of you who want to know, and are afraid to ask, i thought i would explain who i am to the best of ability. prose is just a better format for me than lists of facts are, since lists pertain more to personality traits and preferences, and i dont have a clear enough sense of self to pinpoint my personality.
first of all, i relate far more to a concept of goth than i do any other. this is as ‘personality’ as i get. since high school . . . no, even in grade school . . . i leaned toward a ‘different’ kind of persona. i always liked dragons, dinosaurs, lizards, and mythical art. i was an only child, and frequently had only my imagination to keep me company. i liked things off the beaten path. i liked to explore, and make my own path. i wasnt a loner by choice, but i was too unconventional for my peers, i guess. even my family wasnt real taken with me. only my mother, who loved me no matter what.
in high school i had one good friend who was kind of like me. during that time i was very moody and often morose. i wore clothes that now would be right in fashion among gothy types. but then and there, i was a freak.
when i was 23, i really gave my life to the Lord, and received Jesus as my King and Savior. i got married way too soon after this, to a ‘normal’ Christian man, who was really wrong for me. i tried to fit into a social stratus where i was grossly out of place.
its sad that there are so many religious Christians. tho they may belong to Christ, they dont walk in the liberty He purchased for us. freedom scares these people, because they think preaching liberty is preaching liscence to sin. they couldnt be more wrong. the indwelling of the Holy Spirit is far more strict than the law ever could be. the law was given to do two things
1. show us what perfection is
2. show us we cant do it on our own
the Holy Spirit dwelling in our hearts and in our spirits does what the law couldnt do. changes our NATURE, and therefore our desires. changes our ‘want to’. even tho we still need to renew the mind to match the new creation that we are, we are a new creation. created in the Spirit and likeness of our Creator. this is what the bible says.
so for many years i tried to fit in, just so i wouldnt rock the boat. i finally got out of the boat, and followed Jesus across the water. like peter did. did i sink? often! did Jesus catch me? ever time! and i take daily the advice that Jesus gave to peter, after the resurrection, but before He went back into heaven to sit again on His throne, namely this . . . "if I will that he tarry till i come come, what is that to you? follow me." Jesus said this to peter after he asked Him what john was supposed to do. you’ll find it in john 21:22.
as for being gothic AND Christian. i am Christian first, and serve the Lord. i am gothic by nature, in tastes and preferences, and personality. how can this be? arent they opposed to each other?
first of all, forget the hollywood image. i am not a vampire wanna be, nor a satanist. i dont dress with the purpose of striking fear, creating a stir, or shocking people. i also dont like cheap, tacky stuff labled gothic that probably was intended for some lame halloween party. bleh.
but its also not just a matter of clothes, make up, jewelry, and decor. i have always had a warriors attitude. i lean more toward the first goths, the ones that lived in ancient days. before the vikings there were the goths. and they both came from sweden, as does my entire linage on my fathers side. even on my mothers side are warriors from scotland, and nobility from french canada.
so that is who i am. more or less.
for an interesting read on goths here is a good article to get you going . . .