saturday i worked in the yard some.  it was a beautiful morning, and cool. unseasonably cool. so i went out to the shed to get a few things, a shovel, some potting soil … and of course there was no way into the shed. so i moved a coil of some old cord, and crashing down came one of the shelves that had way too much stacked on it. nothing broke, and nothing hit me.

ok fine.

so i took everything out of the shed, and rearranged it in my customary organizational way … which took about an hour. the shed is always hot. its probably hot in the winter. and saturday morning was no exception. i got pretty warm getting it all sorted, but it was started, and i need to be able to get in and get things safely.

then i began my work on one of the flower beds in the back yard. it took a couple more hours in the rapidly increasing heat - at least i was in the shade of the house, but it was still hot - to clean out the weeds, dig up as many old bulbs as i could find, and add potting soil to freshen up the bed. plus giving the dog two hose downs because she wanted to help me dig, and wanted to lay in the cool dirt. then i planted 29 marigolds, and the two mosquito plants. and a few flower seeds. when i came in i was seriously hot. i still had some energy to help the beau a little with his project of getting some large containers of stuff up into the attic, and getting down some stuff for ebay.

i felt tired, and my head hurt i little, but i wasnt burned or anything. when i got up sunday morning, i felt the effects of having over done it a bit.

summer 1, me 0.

we had had a thunderstorm during the night, and there had been a surge, which apparently ‘adjusted’ the security alarm. eh heh heh. so when i opened the back door, instead of getting the normal beep beep to let me know i needed top disarm it, it simply went off.

its very loud.

the beau was up in a flash. well, he wanted to get up early anyway …

they called the land line first. we never answer that one. its there for the fax and the internet. i told them that when the sales guy was here, and when the installation guy was here.

then they called the beaus cell, which was turned off. he always turns his phone off at night. i told them that too.

sigh …

then they called the police. then they called me. so i told them what happened, and the proper sequence of numbers to call in case the alarm is tripped, and they called the police again not to come. the last time i was in a house where the alarm was tripped, it was in a house i was cleaning with another woman. she got the disarm code wrong, and couldnt remember the password, so the police came out with their weapons drawn. that was fun.

so the weekend was, um, eventful. i was pretty tired from saturdays heat, so after the alarm snafu i laid low all day sunday. the sun apparently really kicked my butt, because i felt slightly ill all day, with a slight headache and fatigue. fatigue is something i rarely experience.

i guess i will do my yard work in the early morning or later in the evening from now on.

im so not fond of summer here.

re·gard

transitive verb  (past and past participle re·gard·ed, present participle re·gard·ing, 3rd person present singular re·gards)

Definition:

1. consider somebody or something: to think of somebody or something as having a particular nature or quality or a particular role or function
I regard his gift as an apology.

2. have feelings in relation to something: to have a particular feeling toward somebody or something
At first they regarded the idea of early retirement with horror.

3. judge somebody or something: to have an opinion as to the quality or worth of somebody or something
I regard her highly.

4. look at somebody or something: to look at something or somebody steadily or attentively
regarded the photograph with interest

5. be about something: to be about or concerned with something
This memo regards your performance review.

dis·re·gard

transitive verb  (past and past participle dis·re·gard·ed, present participle dis·re·gard·ing, 3rd person present singular dis·re·gards)

Definition:

1. ignore somebody or something: to ignore or pay no attention to somebody or something

2. treat somebody or something disrespectfully: to treat somebody or something with contempt or without respect

noun 

Definition:

neglect: a lack of attention or respect

something it really hate is to be disregarded. i would rather be insulted than treated with disregard. at least when someone insults you they acknowledge you. but when they disregard you, they act as if you arent there, or have nothing to contribute. its more infuriating than being slapped in the face.

i recently encountered this attitude from a salesperson at a carpet and flooring store. i had gone in with the beau in may to purchase a remnant for my dining room. i had bought a remnant in december for the bedroom, and had it cut and bound, and was happy with the carpet and the whole experience. the salesperson i had then informed us there was a service available to have the piece bound. makes the carpeting tight around the edges, instead of all frayed and loose. thats why i came back to this same store, because it was a pleasant experience.

the next time we came in, it was to see if they still had the other roll, like the one i had bought before. they did, and we told this salesperson what we wanted. he acted from the very start as though it was a chore to take care of this. it was may 3rd, and he said he would call when our carpet was ready. he didnt, so we called, a week later. on may 10th we picked up the bound piece that was for the dinning room, and i asked the office manager (our salesperson wasnt there that day) to please have the 4′x12′ leftover piece bound too. he said fine, and we left the store.

three weeks went by, and finally i called to inquire about my piece of carpet. i talked to my salesperson, who in a sleepy, disinterested voice said the guy who does the binding was on a week of vacation, and when he came back my carpet would get done. it should be ready in about a week, and he would call me. he said he would take care of it.

three more weeks go by and im near the store, but its raining hard so i dont stop in. tow more weeks go by, and its saturday, and the beau and i go in to get our carpet. the salesperson says he doesnt know where it is first, and then that the binder is going on vacation and when he gets back …

we both get upset at this point. the beau confronts the office manager, and i join him because the salesperson has devolved into mumbling incoherently, and looking at my receipt. im starting to wonder about him. the office manager, instead of trying to help us, gets defensive. the beau is angry and wanting to do all the talking. no one is considering what i am saying at all.

well, after a promise from the beau to call the better business bureau and lodge a complaint, we get a promise that it will be found and will be there monday. when i call monday evening, i get the office manager and am told its gone. no one can find it. he at least offers to try to replace it, so i will hold him to that.

but in the end, i cant help feeling like he really only wants to avoid the complaint to the BBB, and really doesnt want to hear what i think of the whole mess. the mumbling salesperson just isnt right. and i feel disregarded. at least the beau listens to me. but when hes angry about something, my logical analysis gets brushed over.

this is more of a rant than anything. its not that im wounded. its just a burr under my saddle, so to speak. a really prickly burr.

i had some things to write about. there were a few things in my head throughout the day yesterday that i felt i wanted to put here. then, as often seems to happen, i get here and cant think of what they were. sigh.

i miss my time here, i know that. i miss getting here on a regular basis with things to say, and time to catch up on what everyone else is saying. i fear being forgotten about because im absent so much. but honestly, part of the challenge is drawing a blank when i do sit down to write. and part of the challenge is finding it hard to to focus. its been a while since i could read for more than ten minutes at a time. i have a thinking that it could be because we have been so busy at work - and i do a lot of reading at work. i sort out the faxes, so i have to read what they are to know where to deliver them. i sort out the mail, so i have to see what is junk, what is patient labs reports or doctors notes, what is patient payments and what is insurance payments, and what is invoices, and go through all the magazines sent to the doctors. at least i dont have to read all this, i just have to scan it enough to know what it is. then i have to take all the faxed referrals and scan them to see who is being referred for what, and check to see if they have been to our office before, fill out the intake sheet, enter the information in the computer and make the appointment, unless it has to go up to the doctor for review first. then i have to make the chart and send the forms to the patient. i also have to call all the patients for the next office day and try to confirm their appointment, and go through all the next day superbills and see if any of the insurances require an authorization, and stamp them for the date of the visit. while im doing all this, i have to check in the patients when they start arriving, and check them out when they leave, taking their copays, and making their next appointment. sometime during the day i also have to enter the previous days charges and payments. and even though i am not the phone receptionist, i have to answer the phone a lot, or take calls for appointments and new patient referrals. we have been so busy the last few months that i am just fried by the end of the day.

i still have to drive across town and pick up the beau from his job, and sometimes we have to stop by the postal office on the way home. i feed the cats and the dog when we get here, and clean up whatever they might have done during the day. then there is laundry to get going, maybe find time for something to eat, and a little yard work just to do something physical. by 8pm i try to get into the shower, and then go sit in front of the television for some down time. the beau takes care of our ebay enterprises after work, and so is on the computer in the evenings quite a bit anyway. my main time is about an hour in the mornings before we leave, and on weekends.

so here it is the weekend, and i am at a loss for what to say. i havent had time to have any issues to deal with. maybe thats a good thing. i have started to read ‘boundaries‘, a book loaned to me last week by one of the nurses i work with. so far i have read the first chapter, but it has me hooked. if i can just sit down this weekend, i might get more of it read.

i might get really ambitious and work on my long neglected spanish too.

this year i have had more issues with my eyes than before - they burn a lot. i think with all the rain we have had there is more something in the air that is bothering me. that doesnt make reading any easier. i used to read a lot as a child. in spite of being hyper and dyslexic. i miss it. i used to write a lot more too.

its nice having a three day weekend, i really needed the break. we arent doing a lot. yesterday i just hung out most of the day, and when it cooled down outside a bit i put more mulch on my flower beds, and washed the front room windows and the glass on the front door.

i think i will try to get the brackets up for the shelves in this room. its the only room thats a mess, albeit an organized mess. there just isnt any place to put stuff, so its kind of all over. its my goal to remedy that this weekend. once the brackets are up, we can see how we want the shelves placed, and then actually get them put up too. that will be a good thing.

so, finally a post, about something. and a weekend to recharge. feels good.

people tend to make jokes out of things that are heavy. this comedy act didnt offend me in the least, because it targeted things that are wrong. the point wasnt to make light of them, but just the opposite, to put light onto them. this is often why comedians joke about criminal things. pedophilia is an awful thing. done by priests is awful. but the point wasnt pedophilia, it was hypocrisy in the catholic priesthood, covered up for decades, by a society that depicts itself as being the epitome of chritianity, the very mouthpiece of God. but then, the act wasnt all about that either. that was only mentioned. also mentioned was dysfunction and homosexuality among american celebrities, greed and materialism among jews, and mentioned more than any other target was radical muslim terrorism, muslim doctrine, and muslim intolerance. are any of these topics funny? no. i dont find anything funny about suicide bombers, dirty priests, radical terrorism, racism, eating disorders, homosexuality, greed, or hypocrisy. but thats the whole point, isnt it. it wasnt to make these things seem acceptable, it was to highlight that these things are not acceptable and cannot be swept under a rug while we pretend to be tolerant.

activists arent the only ones who can make a point. sometimes a completely different format gets through to more people, and gets past their natural closedness to social activists on bandwagons, and brings things to the table right out in front of every one.

there is one other point that i think is worth mentioning. the whole act was done from the perspective that this is really how most radical muslims see americans, and this is how they think about us.

i have always had a rather sarcastic sense of humor. i guess thats why i like achmed the dead terrorist.  i like his whole finger pointing routine. im sorry if my catholic supervisor took it personal, but last time i checked pedophilia wasnt part of the catholic doctrine or practice. and she didnt have any trouble laughing at the rest of the jabs at every one else. i have always been one to laugh at the humiliation of the bad guy. i have myself been one to use sarcasm to expose hypocrisy. im not ashamed of it.

here is the video. if you dont want to watch it, that wont offend me. but at least get the point, that this whole thing is a sarcastic view of things that too often get excused away, and then left to stink in the closet. besides, it really is funny.

the beau and i watched ‘the aviator’ over the weekend. well, it started out with the intention of watching it as a sunday matinee, since its a three hour film. but we got a late start sunday, so we watched about half, and watched the remaining monday night. it covers a portion of the life of howard hughes, beginning with making ‘hells angels’ and up until after the successful flight of the ‘hercules’.

that poor man! i was really impressed with the things he accomplished, but even more so because he did it in spite of undiagnosed and untreated OCD and probably ADHD as well. both disorders were sever too, it seems. that had to be awful. he survived a terrible plane wreck on top of that, that left him scarred from cuts and burns. i love the way his mind worked, how he worked out his engineering designs, and how he confronted the senator who tried to publicly defame him. but my heart was really touched over the mental anguish he suffered. having had OCD really bad myself for a season, i could understand what he was feeling. there was one scene where he had washed his hands raw in the bathroom of a restaurant, and used up the towels, and then had no way to get out of the bathroom without touching the doorknob. i would have used my sleeve, or part of my shirt, but i never feared germs like he did. so there he stood, looking at the door, and wondering what to do. he leaned up against the wall by the door, and slipped out just after the next person came in. it worked out well.

during the early eighties is when i had my bout with the disorder. i was obsessed with getting rid of dust and dirt particles, and especially food crumbs of any kind, or anything greasy or oily. it was a daunting task. i also washed my hands all the time, till they were cracked and bleeding from the soap and water drying out my skin. i couldnt bring myself to use lotion. i would frequently shake my hair out in an effort to get any dust or whatever out of my hair while cleaning house - a ritual that took me about four hours to complete, which i did every two days. it was exhausting. when dusting a table or other piece of furniture i would feel i missed something, and repeat the process of wiping a table top over and over until i ‘got it right’. i had no idea i had OCD, or ever heard of it. i just thought i was way more picky than most. i had repetitive thoughts running through my head frequently. sometimes they were violent in nature, but would simply ignore them. it wasnt like i was tempted to act them out. they were more like tapes that wouldnt shut off. whenever i got stressed, i would feel the compulsions acutely. taking a shower was often a relief of the stress, because i felt clean afterwards.

i cant begin to tell you all the little things that were part of my rituals. there were just too many. it was only because i knew the Lord, and knew that deliverance was available to me, that i was able to get free of the bondage that OCD is. after crying out to God for help one day, feeling sick because i had spent so much time shaking my head to shake my hair out, that He spoke to me in that still small voice, and told me to treat it like a tyrant. He told me to stand up to it and tell it no. it wasnt real easy at first. the compulsions were strong, and i was used to satisfying them, not resisting them. however, when a strong compulsion arose to repeat a dusting ritual, after having wiped the table once well, i said allowed “no! im not going to do it again! its good enough!”  i began to declare that it was truly impossible to live free of dust and particles, and that i was going to live with it and be ok with it. as i did this, the strength of the compulsion began to wane. it didnt take as long as i thought it would. the hardest step was the first, being willing to stand up to it. of course, it was not over night either. it was a part at a time. one issue at a time. the easiest was the dust and particles. the hardest has been food crumbs and greasy oily things. i still have strong dislikes for that. that may just be a part of my personal likes and dislikes. i still dont want to cook with flour, or fry anything. but thats not so bad. i dont like having bread in the house, or eating cookies in the house. im pretty anal about my phone and my desk area at work. but i dont do the obsessive rituals at all any more. cleaning takes me an hour or two every other week or so. but i wear gloves at home. thats one of my secrets. now you know.

still, ive overcome so much. but it has been only with Gods Word. i wonder, had mr hughes known that he could be free, with his determination and drive, how his later years could have been spent. how much more he would have gone on to do, if he hadnt been a prisoner in his own obsession, his rituals filling his days and nights. he could have know some peace. i wish i could have known him, so i could tell him what was possible. what is available.

has the climate changed in the office, or is it just me? well, it only seems that way with one person, so i dont want to behave as though it were everyone. so maybe it isnt just me then. not my imagination, and perhaps not my subconscious doing.

a couple of weeks ago i played a video at work of a ventriloquist with a very funny puppet for the girls at work who hadnt seen it. the puppet is a dead suicide terrorist, and the act deals with terrorist racism, but in such a funny way. the office manager was among those watching and laughing as much as the rest of us. we laughed at the fun made of muslim extremists. we laughed at the fun made of an anorexic celebrity, and the suggestion that another was gay. we laughed when certain muslim beliefs were joked about. we laughed when the jews were the target of the jokes. but when pedophilic priests were brought up, the room went dead silent. two or three of the women i work with are catholic, and two of them were among those watching the online video. one of them was the office manager. her demeanor toward me hasnt been the same since. i really think she was personally offended.

the thing is, catholicism wasnt made fun of. pedophilia among a well known religious leadership was. and why was it ok to laugh about other peoples religious beliefs, especially when it was the belief itself that was the joke, but not ok to laugh at the abuse of power by leaders in another belief system, when their beliefs werent even in the equation? why was it ok to laugh about anorexia and homosexuality, but not pedophilia? these same women would not hesitate to laugh about non catholic christian leaders who have been publicly reprimanded for misusing organizational funds.

of the two women who didnt like the joke about pedophilic priests, only the office manager has changed her attitude towards me. and i didnt write the guys material, i just played the video because overall it was a pretty funny gig. the other one hasnt changed towards me that i can tell.

truth is, the office manager hasnt been herself since she came back from her last vacation. the general consensus is that its her daughter that is on her mind. she has a daughter that has an addiction to alcohol. given what ive heard over time, i sort of wonder if she is bipolar. i know it wears on her mother deeply, and has been going on for years. her mother is broken hearted over it. i feel for her, because being a mother i can understand what it must be like.

id like to reach out and just turn the whole thing around for her.

still, its hard working with her with this weight on her, because its making her a little crazy.

guess im just rambling on. this started out on one direction, and as often happens, has worked itself into a whole other light. thats what i like about talking things out.

i had my own conversation with a friend, not long ago, on the challenges of overcoming abuse. i have heard sermons on living the overcoming life, and often interjected into them have been statements about getting over the past and moving on. but those statements have been made with little understanding of what it is one who was abused is really having to get over.

my friend was sexually abused by her step father for most of her childhood. i was verbally and emotionally abused by my peers, my step family, and some of my cousins, for the duration of my childhood. the kind of abuse isnt the real issue. what happened isnt the real issue. and there is more to it than simply healing the hurt feelings over such betrayal and assault. its not about hurt feelings.

the harm that people did to us when we were children, whether physically or not, carries with it greater psychological harm. that is what traumatized us the most, and what followed us like a stalker long after those people had been left behind. what they did was terrible. but why they did it, and did it over and over, is what bewildered us, confused us, and convinced us to be victims. if that were not the truth, then once we left those people behind we would have been fine, and there would have been no more problem.

if you grew up in a good home with loving parents, or even a single parent who loves you, if they are supportive and involved in your development, and teach you how to handle situations with wisdom, and instill confidence in you not only for what you can do but for who you are, then living the overcoming life is not the impossible dream. but if you grow up in house where you are constantly told you are the problem, you are the reason these things happen to you, then overcoming is a foreign word. you will have to overcome yourself, and change yourself, with no tools or resources with which to accomplish this. and no blueprint with which to redesign yourself. and nothing with which to accurately gage your progress.

and you can be sure of one thing. there will be no shortage of significant people to tell you you are failing in that too.

im sorry. does this sound overly dramatic? it may be, to the person who did not grow up used and rejected. that person has no concept of how utterly fundamentally undermined a person can be in their very inner structure as a person. that is what i had to get over. to become a person, to stand on the earth and believe i am as significant as anyone else. even to believe that whether i have anything to offer or not, i am here and i will not be chased off. i will live and have my being as freely as anyone else. it just had more challenges for me than for most to pull this off.

but we can get over it. it takes more than just choosing to. it takes learning a whole new way of being. it takes the attitude that other people dont determine who you are, and dont have the right to do you harm. it takes practice. just acting like you believe in yourself is enough to cause strangers to react differently to you than before. walking with your head up suggests strength, and makes you a less desirable target. and less of a jerk magnet. and its a good beginning place.

getting over it wont happen overnight. but it doesnt have to be never either.

its been an eventful weekend already. this will be a lengthy post … so be ready.

it started thursday morning. i had maggie and thor in the cat room, where they go on their own now when i nudge them a bit, and usually wait patiently. as i was bringing nozi in thor did the unexpected and broke his pattern. he dashed out of the room. when he did, my reaction was to try to shut the door before he reached it. he got mostly clear of the door … all but his tail. ouch! well of course he cried out, but ran again when i reopened the door. he didnt act any differently than he ever does when trying to escape the inevitable, and ran back into his room after a lap around the house. that evening when we got home, we saw he was acting like he had a problem. his poor tail had a gash in it, and was obviously paining him. so next morning, since the beau was on the first day of his first week vacation, after dropping me off at work, dropped thor off at the vets. he had a dental on his plan, so the doc put him under, cleaned his teeth, and stitched up his tail while he was out. that little ten pounds of cat is all muscle, and like a small tiger when he doesnt want to cooperate. we had to give him a rinse off when we got him home, as he had pissed in his carrier. that was more difficult than i thought with him still loopy from the anesthesia. maybe worse as he was all freaked out from being dizzy. we got through it mostly unscathed, except for the scratches on the beaus hand. then off to the cage to recoup.

this is the second tail we have had to have repaired this year. gizmo had his tail bitten by nozi in a scuffle not long ago. it gave him quite the abscess, which he licked enough to drain it, and then the vet cleaned it and bandaged it. his was bandaged for over a week, and had to have wet and then dry compresses, along with antibiotics. but he left his tail alone, and didnt need to wear the collar which he wouldnt stand for any way. thors tail, on the other hand, is in open air, and he wont leave the stitches alone, so we have to put the collar on him, and keep the little tiger caged because he runs all over the house banging into everything with the collar on.

sigh.

friday wasnt over yet. we had purchased a storm door from lowes, and scheduled the installation for friday, when the beau would be home. apparently, for a 36″ door they will send the contractor out to pre measure the door jam to make sure there will be a good fit before you ever buy the door. but for a 32″ such as ours, they do not consider it necessary. i dont know why. the contractor took one look at our doorway and knew it was not going to fit. the door wouldnt fit into the recess properly. this caused us no little trouble. it was my early friday, so i was off work by then, and at my hair appointment when the contractor arrived on schedule at home. so he and the beau, most displeased by now, went to lowes to see what alternatives were possible. none of the doors were suitable, mostly because they either wouldnt fit as well, or were not what we wanted. the beau was really pissed off when he found out about the pre measure policy for larger installs, because he wasnt even told he could choose that as an option. it is standard on the larger doors, but available on the smaller ones for a mere $35. available, that is, if youre told about it. which we were not. so the clerk that sold us the door made the decision to save us $35 without even asking us. this resulted in the beau, and me too really, being really irate, demanding a refund, and getting $100 cash from the store manager for all the trouble it caused us, the time it used up unprofitably, and the personal aggravation. so we did not get the door installed, we did not have time to work on getting stuff ready for the neighborhood garage sale happening the next day, and we still had to bring thor home from the vet.

geez!

saturday went better than i thought it would. the beau took some boxes to the post office, and by the time he got back there were hundreds of people going from house to house that had sales going on. we werent ready at all, but started putting stuff out anyway. people started coming up and buying stuff before we even got things organized. it was crazy, but in a good way. we made over $200 in the first couple of hours, and got rid of a lot of stuff, and all with a later start than every one else.

so now its sunday morning, and we have no plans except going out to the bass pro shop later today. i still have today, monday, and tuesday off, and the beau is off till next monday. a well deserved vacation too. we both have had really busy days at work.

ahhh … long weekends.

this morning we wont be taking the phones off service at the usual 830 time. the office manager is going to talk to us about resolving conflict in the workplace. great. just great. we had two employees who were all upset and in tears yesterday, both for entirely different situations. there are ten of us, all female, all between the ages of 40 and 60. it was the two who have been there the longest, one twenty years and one nineteen years, who were so up in arms. and it usually is. they are both the kind you have to walk on eggshells around, or they get their feelings hurt. but neither of them is careful for anyone elses feelings. not that i dont like both of them. i like everyone i work with. it just kind of surprises me the lack of professionalism and maturity i see at work. its so often ‘all about me’. we have four doctors in this office, all who are of the utmost professionalism. its not that they are without conflict, because they have to hammer out their own scheduling differences too. that was what one of the outbursts was about yesterday - which IV nurse was going to work labor day weekend. i cant imagine what would happen if the doctors acted like that. the other outburst im not really sure about. the nurse involved had just come back from a few days off. her friend and coworker had given her a heads up about a fussy patient who was on the phone, or on voicemail, or something, and she just flew into a tizzy about having just her brother - who, incidentally passed away several months ago. the friend-coworker finally had enough of walking on eggshells, and told her she wasnt going to apologize for delivering messages anymore. i was proud of her for that. i told her she wasnt responsible for anyone elses emotional well being. we do what we can to be respectful and courteous, but we cant go around trying to protect every one from any little thing that might set them off. everyone is responsible for their own reactions and responses. we are theoretically adults. yeah right.

yesterday i was really peeved by the time i got home. our office manager had been in a huff all day because her mail hadnt been dealt with during the week she was on vacation. i believe it was only one person she felt should have taken care of it. but she was demonstrating her bad temper to every one except the IV nurses, as far as i could tell. she was blaming it on us talking too much. the thing she usually overlooks is the time she spends chatting with the nurses, as well as looking things up online - i have seen her monitor on other things besides her work during the same work hours we all have - and the other inconsistencies in her administration of corrections and allowances. she has on two different occasions expressed my perfume has given her an instant headache, on those really rare days i even wear a little. but one of the business office women wears a very heavy fragrance every day - the kind that fills the room and stays there - and what is more she reapplies it at both smoke breaks and at lunch in an attempt to cover the smell of her heavy smoking. she is the only one who gets to have two additional breaks a day to accommodate her habit. any of us can go down to the first floor to the snack room and get treats when its not busy, but woe to the one who would go twice a day every day and stay gone fifteen minutes each time, regardless of patient flow. she isnt the only one with inconsistencies and moody temperaments. there is usually something petty going on.

mind you, i dont dislike working there. every time i feel gripey about the pettiness, i come back to the fact that its still the best place i have ever worked. and really, for ten women to work as well together as we do is pretty amazing. my little gripe sessions are shared only with one other at work, or i stew about it while i take my shower in the evening, and then im fine by the time im done, as if all that annoyance goes down the drain with the soap and water. it is only annoyance, and i dont want to make a federal case out of it, because then i would be doing the same same thing that aggravates me in the first place. wouldnt that be amusing?

so having gotten it off my mind, im ready to start a whole new day, and have fun at work, and make the front office a cheery place for patients to encounter on their way in and back out of again.

thanks for listening.