sun struck and alarmed

saturday i worked in the yard some.  it was a beautiful morning, and cool. unseasonably cool. so i went out to the shed to get a few things, a shovel, some potting soil … and of course there was no way into the shed. so i moved a coil of some old cord, and crashing down came one of the shelves that had way too much stacked on it. nothing broke, and nothing hit me.

ok fine.

so i took everything out of the shed, and rearranged it in my customary organizational way … which took about an hour. the shed is always hot. its probably hot in the winter. and saturday morning was no exception. i got pretty warm getting it all sorted, but it was started, and i need to be able to get in and get things safely.

then i began my work on one of the flower beds in the back yard. it took a couple more hours in the rapidly increasing heat - at least i was in the shade of the house, but it was still hot - to clean out the weeds, dig up as many old bulbs as i could find, and add potting soil to freshen up the bed. plus giving the dog two hose downs because she wanted to help me dig, and wanted to lay in the cool dirt. then i planted 29 marigolds, and the two mosquito plants. and a few flower seeds. when i came in i was seriously hot. i still had some energy to help the beau a little with his project of getting some large containers of stuff up into the attic, and getting down some stuff for ebay.

i felt tired, and my head hurt i little, but i wasnt burned or anything. when i got up sunday morning, i felt the effects of having over done it a bit.

summer 1, me 0.

we had had a thunderstorm during the night, and there had been a surge, which apparently ‘adjusted’ the security alarm. eh heh heh. so when i opened the back door, instead of getting the normal beep beep to let me know i needed top disarm it, it simply went off.

its very loud.

the beau was up in a flash. well, he wanted to get up early anyway …

they called the land line first. we never answer that one. its there for the fax and the internet. i told them that when the sales guy was here, and when the installation guy was here.

then they called the beaus cell, which was turned off. he always turns his phone off at night. i told them that too.

sigh …

then they called the police. then they called me. so i told them what happened, and the proper sequence of numbers to call in case the alarm is tripped, and they called the police again not to come. the last time i was in a house where the alarm was tripped, it was in a house i was cleaning with another woman. she got the disarm code wrong, and couldnt remember the password, so the police came out with their weapons drawn. that was fun.

so the weekend was, um, eventful. i was pretty tired from saturdays heat, so after the alarm snafu i laid low all day sunday. the sun apparently really kicked my butt, because i felt slightly ill all day, with a slight headache and fatigue. fatigue is something i rarely experience.

i guess i will do my yard work in the early morning or later in the evening from now on.

im so not fond of summer here.

google Tags: summer, alarms, weekend

dis•re•gard

re·gard

transitive verb  (past and past participle re·gard·ed, present participle re·gard·ing, 3rd person present singular re·gards)

Definition:

1. consider somebody or something: to think of somebody or something as having a particular nature or quality or a particular role or function
I regard his gift as an apology.

2. have feelings in relation to something: to have a particular feeling toward somebody or something
At first they regarded the idea of early retirement with horror.

3. judge somebody or something: to have an opinion as to the quality or worth of somebody or something
I regard her highly.

4. look at somebody or something: to look at something or somebody steadily or attentively
regarded the photograph with interest

5. be about something: to be about or concerned with something
This memo regards your performance review.

dis·re·gard

transitive verb  (past and past participle dis·re·gard·ed, present participle dis·re·gard·ing, 3rd person present singular dis·re·gards)

Definition:

1. ignore somebody or something: to ignore or pay no attention to somebody or something

2. treat somebody or something disrespectfully: to treat somebody or something with contempt or without respect

noun 

Definition:

neglect: a lack of attention or respect

something it really hate is to be disregarded. i would rather be insulted than treated with disregard. at least when someone insults you they acknowledge you. but when they disregard you, they act as if you arent there, or have nothing to contribute. its more infuriating than being slapped in the face.

i recently encountered this attitude from a salesperson at a carpet and flooring store. i had gone in with the beau in may to purchase a remnant for my dining room. i had bought a remnant in december for the bedroom, and had it cut and bound, and was happy with the carpet and the whole experience. the salesperson i had then informed us there was a service available to have the piece bound. makes the carpeting tight around the edges, instead of all frayed and loose. thats why i came back to this same store, because it was a pleasant experience.

the next time we came in, it was to see if they still had the other roll, like the one i had bought before. they did, and we told this salesperson what we wanted. he acted from the very start as though it was a chore to take care of this. it was may 3rd, and he said he would call when our carpet was ready. he didnt, so we called, a week later. on may 10th we picked up the bound piece that was for the dinning room, and i asked the office manager (our salesperson wasnt there that day) to please have the 4′x12′ leftover piece bound too. he said fine, and we left the store.

three weeks went by, and finally i called to inquire about my piece of carpet. i talked to my salesperson, who in a sleepy, disinterested voice said the guy who does the binding was on a week of vacation, and when he came back my carpet would get done. it should be ready in about a week, and he would call me. he said he would take care of it.

three more weeks go by and im near the store, but its raining hard so i dont stop in. tow more weeks go by, and its saturday, and the beau and i go in to get our carpet. the salesperson says he doesnt know where it is first, and then that the binder is going on vacation and when he gets back …

we both get upset at this point. the beau confronts the office manager, and i join him because the salesperson has devolved into mumbling incoherently, and looking at my receipt. im starting to wonder about him. the office manager, instead of trying to help us, gets defensive. the beau is angry and wanting to do all the talking. no one is considering what i am saying at all.

well, after a promise from the beau to call the better business bureau and lodge a complaint, we get a promise that it will be found and will be there monday. when i call monday evening, i get the office manager and am told its gone. no one can find it. he at least offers to try to replace it, so i will hold him to that.

but in the end, i cant help feeling like he really only wants to avoid the complaint to the BBB, and really doesnt want to hear what i think of the whole mess. the mumbling salesperson just isnt right. and i feel disregarded. at least the beau listens to me. but when hes angry about something, my logical analysis gets brushed over.

this is more of a rant than anything. its not that im wounded. its just a burr under my saddle, so to speak. a really prickly burr.

google Tags: disregarded, angry

something

i had some things to write about. there were a few things in my head throughout the day yesterday that i felt i wanted to put here. then, as often seems to happen, i get here and cant think of what they were. sigh.

i miss my time here, i know that. i miss getting here on a regular basis with things to say, and time to catch up on what everyone else is saying. i fear being forgotten about because im absent so much. but honestly, part of the challenge is drawing a blank when i do sit down to write. and part of the challenge is finding it hard to to focus. its been a while since i could read for more than ten minutes at a time. i have a thinking that it could be because we have been so busy at work - and i do a lot of reading at work. i sort out the faxes, so i have to read what they are to know where to deliver them. i sort out the mail, so i have to see what is junk, what is patient labs reports or doctors notes, what is patient payments and what is insurance payments, and what is invoices, and go through all the magazines sent to the doctors. at least i dont have to read all this, i just have to scan it enough to know what it is. then i have to take all the faxed referrals and scan them to see who is being referred for what, and check to see if they have been to our office before, fill out the intake sheet, enter the information in the computer and make the appointment, unless it has to go up to the doctor for review first. then i have to make the chart and send the forms to the patient. i also have to call all the patients for the next office day and try to confirm their appointment, and go through all the next day superbills and see if any of the insurances require an authorization, and stamp them for the date of the visit. while im doing all this, i have to check in the patients when they start arriving, and check them out when they leave, taking their copays, and making their next appointment. sometime during the day i also have to enter the previous days charges and payments. and even though i am not the phone receptionist, i have to answer the phone a lot, or take calls for appointments and new patient referrals. we have been so busy the last few months that i am just fried by the end of the day.

i still have to drive across town and pick up the beau from his job, and sometimes we have to stop by the postal office on the way home. i feed the cats and the dog when we get here, and clean up whatever they might have done during the day. then there is laundry to get going, maybe find time for something to eat, and a little yard work just to do something physical. by 8pm i try to get into the shower, and then go sit in front of the television for some down time. the beau takes care of our ebay enterprises after work, and so is on the computer in the evenings quite a bit anyway. my main time is about an hour in the mornings before we leave, and on weekends.

so here it is the weekend, and i am at a loss for what to say. i havent had time to have any issues to deal with. maybe thats a good thing. i have started to read ‘boundaries‘, a book loaned to me last week by one of the nurses i work with. so far i have read the first chapter, but it has me hooked. if i can just sit down this weekend, i might get more of it read.

i might get really ambitious and work on my long neglected spanish too.

this year i have had more issues with my eyes than before - they burn a lot. i think with all the rain we have had there is more something in the air that is bothering me. that doesnt make reading any easier. i used to read a lot as a child. in spite of being hyper and dyslexic. i miss it. i used to write a lot more too.

its nice having a three day weekend, i really needed the break. we arent doing a lot. yesterday i just hung out most of the day, and when it cooled down outside a bit i put more mulch on my flower beds, and washed the front room windows and the glass on the front door.

i think i will try to get the brackets up for the shelves in this room. its the only room thats a mess, albeit an organized mess. there just isnt any place to put stuff, so its kind of all over. its my goal to remedy that this weekend. once the brackets are up, we can see how we want the shelves placed, and then actually get them put up too. that will be a good thing.

so, finally a post, about something. and a weekend to recharge. feels good.

google Tags: weekend, books, reading, work

crashed . . .

. . . but not burned. when i turned on the computer this morning, all i got was a screen notification that said my system file was corrupted, and nothing could be opened. ack. dig out the restore cd-rom.  lost all our files, pictures, bookmarks, settings. sigh. it could have been so much worse, however.

when i got to work i found out one of my coworkers, who had been building a house on some recently purchased property, had withstood some damage from severe straight winds that had blown through during the night. upwards of 80 mph i believe. she and her husband had just sold most of their belongings and moved into an RV to live in while they continued building, having just sold their old property as well. they have horses, so they were building a barn attached to the house. the RV was parked next to the barn. the wind sheered the barn structure, but left the house structure undamaged. the RV was rocked, but left upright. this was at about 2:30 am. the horses are fine, they are fine, and the 2 cats and 1 dog are ok. i dont yet know if their RV is still livable.

so my minor inconvenience is nothing more than mildly annoying. but i did get my previous old fonts back, and i am pleased with that.

i have begun praying in the last few days for all my coworkers, and coming headlong against some serious strongholds that have been around for some time. it can be like stirring up a hornets nest when one begins to bring down old strongholds. things have gotten stirred up a bit here and there at work. but i am not backing off. i will pull harder and more fiercely until the walls come down. its invigorating to be in spiritual battle once again. i didnt realize how i missed it.

google Tags: prayer, spiritual warfare, storms, computer crashes

 

time and attention

google Tags: attention span, focus, time

time and attention have been my biggest challenges lately. i have decided to make a conscientious effort to recover my discipline in study, reading, and posting to my blog. for a long time, i was distracted with taking care of sammy, and spending time with her. i spent some time in my bible, but not like i used to. my books on spanish, sign language, and anatomy sat on my table under growing piles of half opened mail and papers to file, and receipts to enter into my bank book. there was a time when i had very good habits concerning these things. but then, sammy was content to sit on my lap or gaze out the window while i attended to business. there was always time to play afterwards, and i kept up with all the little tasks that daily life requires. even though i worked full time. however, in the last six years, with her declining health, and two other pets with equally demanding health concerns (both which passed away before sammy) my focus became more fragmented as my attention was directed more and more on them.

moving into our house brought more strain on my attention span, with rooms in disarray, and boxes yet unpacked.

now i am at a new beginning. our remaining animals are healthy, and still in their prime, and most of the rooms in the house are the way i want them. last weekend the beau spent most of his time getting the stuff of the office boxed up and stored more the way he wants, and getting it ready to put up the shelves. we found frames for a poster and some pictures that were long awaited. i finally have decided i want to make the front room into a parlor of sorts.

with less clutter i will have more focus. i will be more productive once again.

new habits

Technorati Tags: new years,resolutions,life,cats

i still need to work on my workout room, but its functional at this point. we bought a new television for the den before Christmas, and the beau got us a new playstation 3 for us for Christmas. so i put the old TV and playstation 2 in the workout room. this is working out nicely, because i can watch videos while i walk on the treadmill. even better, he gave me ‘Dark Shadows the lost episodes’ for Christmas too. 37 episodes on 4 discs. i used to watch Dark Shadows every day after school when i was a child. i didnt know there were any lost episodes, but apparently there are. they were shot first, before barnabas collins ever showed up in the story. its all about victoria winters, and how she came to collins port. so i watch an episode or two and walk after work, after the animals are all fed.

my mother sent us a couple of things for Christmas, along with a copy of her family line that a friend of hers put together for her. it isnt complete, but it does trace her family tree back several generations. i was surprised to find we have germans in our bloodline. its been interesting, but challenging, to find out about these people.

this spring im going to plant flowers in the front yard. ive had the seed packets for several years, but had no desire to plant anything at the old house. the yard there was so uninspiring. my yard is more inviting to me to work in, so im going to make the most of it. im going to paint the shutters black also. i dont really like the maroon. i cant wait!

i have also resolved to get gizmo declawed. i dont like the idea, and i would rather have a different course of action. but, he hasnt left me much choice. he really dislikes her for some reason. the problem is, he wont simply growl at her and leave it at that. oddly enough, i can leave all five cats in their room during the day and not ever find evidence of scuffles when i get home from work. but after we’re home, and everyone has been fed, if gizmo gets it in his head that he has been slighted by her in some way, he will stalk her till he gets her alone somewhere and attack her. the first time he did this she put him in his place, and we thought that would be the end of it. but he has carried a grudge over it, and has sought out opportunities ever since to rattle her cage but good. the last time was wednesday night, when he jumped on her and she couldnt get away. we broke it up before he was able to hurt her, but i think he was trying to. i spank him, i put him in the other cage for long time out, i scold him. it doesnt matter. he continues to do this. stubborn little boy he is. and he is the only cat we have that has clawed furniture, namely the bed. so, i must deal with this, and have his claws removed. he has left me no choice.

i will be getting my little table, that sits in the window alcove in the den, cleaned off and all the paperwork dealt with. and then keeping it that way. i used to be pretty disciplined with that sort of thing. i will be again.

i have lost about a third of the weight i want to drop, and kept it off through through the holidays.  now to drop the rest, and get toned up like i want. i use my treadmill, but havent been diligent to use the pilates machine i have. time to get after that too.

sammy has been doing well. not much to tell there. im just happy she is happy.

my son comes home from iraq in may, and plans to get out of the marines then. i believe they are going to move up north after that. they want to leave california because of the cost of living, and he wants to join the police force or sherrifs department. i think he will have some kind of retirement from the military. either way, im proud of him, but glad he is going to be a civilian again.

it looks to be a good year.

retroflection

Technorati Tags: rage

this could prove triggering to some. use your own discretion.

 

the other night the beau and i were talking about rages, and what triggers them. we both have had rages, where one goes beyond angry to something that almost has a life of its own. i have never seen him raging, and when he told me of one of three instances, im glad i havent. however, in his recounting of what he was feeling, what he remembers, i understood.

i have come close to really going off the edge, but have never plunged into that black hole because i know if i did i would be capable of something truly horrible. these days, im not nearly so susceptible to those triggers as i once was, and yet, i still feel them as i always have. they just dont take me as far as they once did.

after our conversation the other night, i see more clearly what those triggers are.

when i entered grade school, my whole life changed. as early as first grade i found out what it is to be the social outcast and the scapegoat. it was a catholic school, so everyone wore the same uniform, and the rich and the poor all looked the same. but nothing could be done to blur the lines between the ‘entitled’ and the ‘unentitled’. in my class, it seems i was about the only one in the latter group. to this day, i still dont have an answer for why i was cast off from the rest. i only know how it molded me.

early on it was made clear to me that whatever it was that one needed to belong, i didnt have it and i never would. but they took it much further than simple rejection. it became a sport to humiliate me. this is the kind of thing that adults dont recognize children doing to one another. furthermore, if they did, they are powerless to stop it, because once the other children decide you are their target, they refuse to see you as their classmate. if you cry, they make fun of it. if you take it, they act justified. if you try to ignore it, they step it up a few notches until you are worn down. physical bullying would have been better, because its recognizable. but my abusers used words. my teachers responded as though it was all in my head. my mother, who herself had been chased home from school with rocks, and called ‘cat licker’ for being catholic, simply told me i was to blame for being too bossy.

seven years i faced this at school. i hated school. strangely, i didnt get angry then. i spent my time feeling bewildered. but the stress was building. at the same time, i was learning how people play mind games, and i could recognize a game in anyone. i could also recognize the motive. when i fell prey, it was not because i was fooled, but because i wanted to belong so badly. i possessed all that understanding, and no coping skills to deal with it.

the dye was cast. when i entered junior high school, i was twisted enough to attract the cruel kids. but at least then it was only a certain few. however, my mother had remarried, and my stepfather had a daughter two years older than me. i tried to be friends with her, but she was insanely bitter about the divorce of her parents, and hotly resented the marriage. she came to live with us, and everything i had endured in grade school was now living in my house. i cannot tell you all she put me through, and all without any repercussions from the adults. again. she stole from me, and i was not allowed to protest. she skipped school by playing sick, and was allowed to out with her friends. i stayed home sick, and had to stay in my room all day. daily she filled my airspace with hateful words and accusations. i reached a point where i no longer wanted to belong. i wanted to end her life. and her fathers life, as he also would humiliate me, sometimes in front of my few friends. my mother never protected me in all this. had someone laid a hand on me, she would have become the mama bear, and ripped them into pieces. but the drama of everyday life, she would not jeopardize her marriage for that. she had her own abandonment issues, and i pitied her and didnt hold her responsible. i knew innately that she wasnt capable. still, i quietly lost my mind for a while.

over the years these mind games and humiliating messages have been the things that set me off. looking back, i see that the only people who have accused me of being crazy are the ones who play the games. im not crazy. i simply have a low tolerance for cruelty. and when its directed at me, my first response is reason, and when that fails, escape. it is only when i am cornered, or prevented from escape, that i have become enraged. as the Word of God has changed me, the circle of influence that can trigger me has grown smaller and closer in to me, so there are fewer who can move me to that point. with that change has come more wisdom on how to deal with it effectively. but im not there yet.

at least now, after that conversation the other night, i see thing for what it is much better. and with more understanding comes more liberty.

the whole point of Christmas

Technorati Tags: Christmas

Technorati Tags: Chrismas

i thought maybe it just didnt feel like Christmas this year. then i began to think, what exactly does Christmas feel like anyway? a kind of vague happy mood, because of all the decorations and lights, the traditional foods and eggnog, and cards in the mail? i have been giving this some thought.

from a Christian point of view, im expected to get all reverent and talk about how Christ was born and the gift God gave us and all that. truth is, i think about that all year. i dont associate the holiday trappings with the birth of my Lord on earth, even though i was raised as a catholic, and used to go to midnight mass every Christmas eve - which i loved, because i like celebrating that event. it just seemed to me like Christmas coincided with our little celebration of Jesus’ birth.

then there is the rest of it. the holly, the lights, the gift giving, and the dinner. it all can be fun, and pretty, but what exactly is the point? as a child, i thought the point was the gift giving. but really, there are so many traditions that stem from so many different sources, i guess the point now is just to have a holiday to celebrate. which is full circle from the early origins in the holiday, when people were celebrating the winter solstice, at which point the days again begin to get longer and the nights begin to get shorter. it seems even the people in the southern hemisphere have their winter holidays.

so it seems the whole point of having a holiday in the middle of winter is to relieve the winter blues, and give people something to look forward to. but Christmas isnt as much fun as it used to be. i dont think its because im grown up. i think its because the whole point has been obscured, at least here in america.

during the depression franklin roosevelt extended the shopping days to start the day after thanksgiving, to boost the economy. it was a good idea for the time. but it became a tradition in itself, a purely commercial tradition, because most retail stores do such a big part of their business between thanksgiving and Christmas. especially on black friday. i think, over time, it got pushed more and more, so that the focus of Christmas was on buying gifts, buying decorations, buying holiday food, buying everything. people get really stressed over getting their shopping done in time, and getting something for every one. its not fun. its work. its frustrating being stuck in traffic, having to weave through crowds of people, having to stand in long lines to pay for your stuff, just so you can go home and spend all evening wrapping presents.

i think im going to have fun, and enjoy a festive mood again. i wanted to shop this year instead of giving gift cards, and my plans were delayed two weeks because of the ice storm. the beau and i had to face the push of the crowds, something neither of us enjoy. but we managed to get through it unscathed, had a nice supper at quizno’s, and went home. the gifts will be new years gifts instead of Christmas gifts, but oh well. thats not the point.

the day the trees broke

Technorati Tags: ice storm,power outage,storm

it was exactly a week ago today i drank my last cup of the iced coffee i keep on hand. i didnt make anymore that morning, and regretted it later. it was pretty cold outside, and after a while it began to rain. i had spent saturday cleaning, and was settling in to enjoy a peaceful day at home. the beau was sleeping in, recovering from a wicked cold. it was nothing to compare to the wicked cold moving into the state.

soon the rain turned to ice rain, and began to coat the world outside. it wouldnt stop, and the ice began to build on anything with a surface. winter was here, and she was not in a pretty mood. even jack frost kept away as she swept her icy robes over everything in sight, over and over again. hour after hour the ice rain fell. by late afternoon there was about an inch or more of ice on everything. my house is in an old neighborhood, and we have some of the largest, oldest trees around, many having too much deadwood because no one seems to want to cut anything tree related. ‘theyre too pretty to cut’. not anymore theyre not.

thats when it started. first there was a loud cracking sound, as a branch began to splinter. then the horrendous crash as it fell. a few at first. then they began to come down all over. not just my neighborhood, or my city, but all across the state, and several others as well. i think my house must have been in the very eye of the storm, because we were hit the hardest, at least in tulsa, for broken trees and downed lines. oh yes, i forgot to mention the bright blue flashes magnified by the icy rains and clouds, the ones i thought were snow lightning. blue, green, and red flashes began to burst all over the skies. silly me. that was the transformers exploding as lines were ripped out when trees fell.

it was a very quiet storm, as storms go. except for the timbers breaking and falling, there was very little else to hear. no wind, oh thank You Jesus! wind would have taken us off the map. there were a few house fires, and several people killed or injured, but nothing like it would have been had there been wind. no, it was eerily silent other than the breaking trees, and the occasional car alarm.

the sound kept up through the night. by morning there was a different world out there. we ventured out to see if we could get to the beaus work. there were icy limbs and branches everywhere, although the streets were merely wet. there were lines down as well. we picked our way through this surreal environment like a character in a video game searching for a workable route. we made it, only to find out there was no power at his place of work. they sent everyone home after about 15 minutes. when we got home, there was no power at our house either.

there was no power anywhere.

250,000 people in tulsa alone were without power. across the state, closer to 1,000,000. very few escaped without losing their electricity. we spent monday at home, as most of my coworkers did too, although my clinic was open and the building, one of about five powered by the hospital generators, had power. the clinic did close early however, as only about three patients made it in.

we dont have a generator as a few on my block do, but were still better off than many. we have a gas fireplace, and a gas water heater, halogen flashlights, and a gas stove. we also only had a large treelike bush in one corner of the yard. it was snapped in half, but that was the only damage we sustained. God has blessed us with a very good choice of house. many of my neighbors had big trees in there yards. the old house, three blocks from our new house, had several huge tree. the operative word here is had.  the beautiful oak in the front yard is ruined, and the two huge trees in the back that always gave us problems, well they wont be giving anyone else problems now.

we had to ride it out for seven days. the president declared it a disaster area, releasing funds to bring in 2400 additional power workers, who pushed very hard to get everyone back up and running before the next storm - which skirted my town. my neighborhood was among the last to be restored, because it had the worst damages to lines. but saturday morning, as the beau was coming back from the laundromat, a fleet of five trucks followed him right to our house. i never saw such a beautiful set of trucks! by late afternoon, about 4:30 PM, there was the most welcome knock on the door, and the young man on the porch asked us if our main breaker was on. “well, turn it on, you have power now.”  i could have kissed him!

this morning the sky is brilliant blue, and the ice is long gone. im sitting here enjoying myself at the computer again, drinking fresh made coffee, and listening to the heater blowing warm air. we slept in our bed for the first time in seven days. we watched TV last night, and i vacuumed up much kitty litter. ah, the little joys of life.

i love winter, but she can sure be a harsh mistress at times.

click here for pictures

sammys life

since 2001, when sammy was first diagnosed with diabetes, many things have changed in my way of life. back then we also had spook, lee’s black cat of the same age. they were both fourteen then. spook, because of tartar and resulting gingivitis, developed acute kidney failure and almost died. the vet gave us two days at best. that’s when we first began to stand on psalm 145. we claimed spooks life back, and he recovered, although we did have to give him a new diet to accommodate his loss of kidney function. he went on to live for two more years.

sammy, during this time, was contending with the diabetes, or rather the treatment of it. we tried humulin, and she kept crashing. she was on a restricted calorie diet because she was overweight, and she was constantly hungry because of the insulin. she became dehydrated, and then her kidneys and her liver crashed, she got down to 4lbs, and she nearly died. we continued to stand on psalm 145, and she began to recover. eventually we settled on .5mg of glipizide before meals, twice daily. this, and lee’s work schedule, resulted in my getting up early every morning to feed the two elderly cats before getting him up to get ready for work. a schedule i still maintain, even though spook is no longer with us.

recently i had to put her on insulin again, because her kidneys began to fail again. she had been on a low carb high protein kitten food diet along with the oral medication to keep her blood sugar down, and it was working fine. but years of high protein had taken a toll on her kidneys. this meant a new diet for her, sort of upsetting the balance we had maintained for so long. the new diet was lower in protein, but higher in carbs. i was apprehensive about the insulin, but now feline insulin was available. she tolerated it well, and we moved on again. soon we had to start giving her subcutaneous fluids at home, because her kidneys dont do an adequate job hydrating her. so she gets 200ml three times a week.

another thing a diabetic cat encounters is neuropathy. her hind legs do not work like they used to. she walks okay, but her hind legs do not have the strength they once had. this also contributes to some recent incontinence. its all because of nerve damage due to the higher levels of glucose that we cant avoid now. she sleeps on the couch in the evenings, after dinner, and sleeps so deeply she doesnt know she has to pee. she starts to pee before she wakes up. this is a problem, obviously. she can get into the big litterbox, but doesnt always make it all the way in before she starts to go. so i have a rug under the box, with a rubber bathmat under the rug, to save my wood floor. she has been hard on the floors over the last seven years. it works out, but there is the couch to consider now.

so, i looked up pet diapers online - handicapedpets.com -  and found a site that offers a free sample to try first. i ordered one for sammy, xs plus up to 4lbs. of course.

ah how things have changed for sammy and me over the years. but i will continue to do what i must for her to live comfortably and retain as much freedom of movement as possible. she is more than a pet to me. she is, on many levels, my friend.