why i like achmed the dead terrorist

people tend to make jokes out of things that are heavy. this comedy act didnt offend me in the least, because it targeted things that are wrong. the point wasnt to make light of them, but just the opposite, to put light onto them. this is often why comedians joke about criminal things. pedophilia is an awful thing. done by priests is awful. but the point wasnt pedophilia, it was hypocrisy in the catholic priesthood, covered up for decades, by a society that depicts itself as being the epitome of chritianity, the very mouthpiece of God. but then, the act wasnt all about that either. that was only mentioned. also mentioned was dysfunction and homosexuality among american celebrities, greed and materialism among jews, and mentioned more than any other target was radical muslim terrorism, muslim doctrine, and muslim intolerance. are any of these topics funny? no. i dont find anything funny about suicide bombers, dirty priests, radical terrorism, racism, eating disorders, homosexuality, greed, or hypocrisy. but thats the whole point, isnt it. it wasnt to make these things seem acceptable, it was to highlight that these things are not acceptable and cannot be swept under a rug while we pretend to be tolerant.

activists arent the only ones who can make a point. sometimes a completely different format gets through to more people, and gets past their natural closedness to social activists on bandwagons, and brings things to the table right out in front of every one.

there is one other point that i think is worth mentioning. the whole act was done from the perspective that this is really how most radical muslims see americans, and this is how they think about us.

i have always had a rather sarcastic sense of humor. i guess thats why i like achmed the dead terrorist.  i like his whole finger pointing routine. im sorry if my catholic supervisor took it personal, but last time i checked pedophilia wasnt part of the catholic doctrine or practice. and she didnt have any trouble laughing at the rest of the jabs at every one else. i have always been one to laugh at the humiliation of the bad guy. i have myself been one to use sarcasm to expose hypocrisy. im not ashamed of it.

here is the video. if you dont want to watch it, that wont offend me. but at least get the point, that this whole thing is a sarcastic view of things that too often get excused away, and then left to stink in the closet. besides, it really is funny.

howard hughes

the beau and i watched ‘the aviator’ over the weekend. well, it started out with the intention of watching it as a sunday matinee, since its a three hour film. but we got a late start sunday, so we watched about half, and watched the remaining monday night. it covers a portion of the life of howard hughes, beginning with making ‘hells angels’ and up until after the successful flight of the ‘hercules’.

that poor man! i was really impressed with the things he accomplished, but even more so because he did it in spite of undiagnosed and untreated OCD and probably ADHD as well. both disorders were sever too, it seems. that had to be awful. he survived a terrible plane wreck on top of that, that left him scarred from cuts and burns. i love the way his mind worked, how he worked out his engineering designs, and how he confronted the senator who tried to publicly defame him. but my heart was really touched over the mental anguish he suffered. having had OCD really bad myself for a season, i could understand what he was feeling. there was one scene where he had washed his hands raw in the bathroom of a restaurant, and used up the towels, and then had no way to get out of the bathroom without touching the doorknob. i would have used my sleeve, or part of my shirt, but i never feared germs like he did. so there he stood, looking at the door, and wondering what to do. he leaned up against the wall by the door, and slipped out just after the next person came in. it worked out well.

during the early eighties is when i had my bout with the disorder. i was obsessed with getting rid of dust and dirt particles, and especially food crumbs of any kind, or anything greasy or oily. it was a daunting task. i also washed my hands all the time, till they were cracked and bleeding from the soap and water drying out my skin. i couldnt bring myself to use lotion. i would frequently shake my hair out in an effort to get any dust or whatever out of my hair while cleaning house - a ritual that took me about four hours to complete, which i did every two days. it was exhausting. when dusting a table or other piece of furniture i would feel i missed something, and repeat the process of wiping a table top over and over until i ‘got it right’. i had no idea i had OCD, or ever heard of it. i just thought i was way more picky than most. i had repetitive thoughts running through my head frequently. sometimes they were violent in nature, but would simply ignore them. it wasnt like i was tempted to act them out. they were more like tapes that wouldnt shut off. whenever i got stressed, i would feel the compulsions acutely. taking a shower was often a relief of the stress, because i felt clean afterwards.

i cant begin to tell you all the little things that were part of my rituals. there were just too many. it was only because i knew the Lord, and knew that deliverance was available to me, that i was able to get free of the bondage that OCD is. after crying out to God for help one day, feeling sick because i had spent so much time shaking my head to shake my hair out, that He spoke to me in that still small voice, and told me to treat it like a tyrant. He told me to stand up to it and tell it no. it wasnt real easy at first. the compulsions were strong, and i was used to satisfying them, not resisting them. however, when a strong compulsion arose to repeat a dusting ritual, after having wiped the table once well, i said allowed “no! im not going to do it again! its good enough!”  i began to declare that it was truly impossible to live free of dust and particles, and that i was going to live with it and be ok with it. as i did this, the strength of the compulsion began to wane. it didnt take as long as i thought it would. the hardest step was the first, being willing to stand up to it. of course, it was not over night either. it was a part at a time. one issue at a time. the easiest was the dust and particles. the hardest has been food crumbs and greasy oily things. i still have strong dislikes for that. that may just be a part of my personal likes and dislikes. i still dont want to cook with flour, or fry anything. but thats not so bad. i dont like having bread in the house, or eating cookies in the house. im pretty anal about my phone and my desk area at work. but i dont do the obsessive rituals at all any more. cleaning takes me an hour or two every other week or so. but i wear gloves at home. thats one of my secrets. now you know.

still, ive overcome so much. but it has been only with Gods Word. i wonder, had mr hughes known that he could be free, with his determination and drive, how his later years could have been spent. how much more he would have gone on to do, if he hadnt been a prisoner in his own obsession, his rituals filling his days and nights. he could have know some peace. i wish i could have known him, so i could tell him what was possible. what is available.

 

Technorati Tags: mental illness,disorders,OCD,howard hughes

quick update

writing this at work … big ice storm here. no electricity at home since monday morning. once i have power back on, i will tell you all about it. till then, we are all fine, no damage no harm. see you soon as i can!

update on the update

well we went and saw the house. i was kind of disappointed. its hard not to get a little excited when the discription sounds so desirable, and the pictures dont quite tell the whole story.

it is a cute house, no doubt. there were a lot of features i liked about it. it has a box window the cats would have loved. it has beveled glass cabinet doors. it has loys of windows, and they hav all been replaced with aluminum frames and lock in two places each. and there is great potential to decorated how one likes. the yard is nice, and with a little extra seeding could be very lush.

the down side is its way too small. there are termites inder the crawl space access to beneath the house. when i asked the owner how cool the three window units kept it, she merely said ‘comforatble’ - comfortable to me is around 68º. there isnt much cabinet space, even if the doors are cute. there is a history of flooding in that area - it is rather close to the arkansas river, and not on high ground. it also happens to be directly across the river from sun oil refinery, which frequently creates a seriously pungent smell in the whole area.

then there is the neighborhood. we got there thirty minutes early, so we drove around in circles observing the activity that goes on there. i saw about a dozen people milling about here and there, walking around with no apparent direction, or hanging out on porches smoking and drinking beer. family people dont generally do that, even if it is a saturday. it was only 12:30. there was an odd mix of very nice little houses, and dilapitated boarded up shacks. there were a lot of old pickups parked every where. not a neiborhood i want to deliberately move into.

i didnt take any pictures. im not taking the house.

---

in other news:

bougar seems considerably better. still going to get the ultrasound to make sure of what we’re dealing with.

sammy is doing well on dry KD food, but seems to have developed an insatiable thirst since her most recent event. i still give her fluids subcu three times a week. safe to say shes hydrated …

i am thoroughly enjoying this three day weekend. its gotten really busy at work, and we’re hardly ever slow anymore. after a four day work week, and a weekend, and another four day work week, we will have another three day weekend. we have the 14th scheduled off. ahhh … vacation good.

so, im off to scout my current nieghborhood for houses for sale. i bet i find a good one.

updates

this has been a strange year weatherwise. it was so rainy this spring and into the early part of the summer. sad that a lot of people lost their homes and possesions during that time, when some of the creeks and ‘rivers’ overflowed their banks and flood neighborhoods. it finally got hot in late july and into august. it got pretty hot for the duration of the month, but has already started cooling down. this was also a year for several groups of cicadas to emerge, and the ragweed was early too. i dont know that much about cicadas. i just know there is more than one kind. one stays buried for seven years, one for thirteen, or something like that. i guess several emerged together this year. they always make the trees sound like theyre live with electricity. 

temps are starting to cool down now. im not disappointed that we had such a short summer. im relieved. today started out much cooler, even though it was a bit sticky still. its only 80º now, at 11:30am. it may get up around 90º+, but the trend is cooler.

bougar has had a bout with something. she lost some weight, and was acting like she didnt feel good. she has kinky hips anyway, and they bother her. but then she had some diarrhea, so we took her in for a check up. seems her liver enzymes were too high. wednesday she goes back for an ultra sound, and we are awaiting more results from blood tests. vet put her on liver pills, and it has made a difference. she acts like she feels better, and no more squirts. oh thank God for that! well, we thanked God for more than that, because as always we laid hands on her and claimed the promise in psalm 145:14-16

 

“the Lord upholds all that fall, and raises up all those that are bowed down.

the eys of all wait upon You, and You give them their meat in due season.

You open Your hand, and satisfy the desire of every living thing.“

 

later today, when the beau gets back from the postal office, we are going to look at a house for sale. its seems like a pretty good deal, and theyre asking $65k which is a great price even here. i wasnt looking for a house, because we are planning to move back to oregon/washington next year. but this one fell into my lap. my friend at work has a daughter who just got her real estate license, and although she isnt the realtor for this house, still told her mother who told me. so far im liking what i see. but im staying reserved until i see it, and find out a few more things. im going to take a few pictures.

change the image

this excerpt from my daily devotional book explains changes even more clearly. this is the september 12 page, written by kenneth copeland.

Change the Image

“for we are saved by hope: but hope that is seen is not hope:for what a man seeth, why doth he yet hope for? but if we hope for that we see not, then do we with patience wait for it.”

romans 8:24,25

according to romans, hope is actually looking at something you cant see. you do it by looking at the promises of God in the Word until with your inner eyes - the eyes of your spirit - a picture is formed.

for example, one of the hardest things i ever had to do was face the fact that the inner image i had of myself physically was fat. it didnt matter how hard i tried to change, it wouldnt go away. i was always on a diet. i must have lost (and regained) hundreds of pounds over the years.

i finally had to admit that as long as my inner image of myself was fat, my outer self was going to match it. remember, its faith that changes things, and without the inner image of hope, faith cannot work.

so i decided to fast for seven days. i searched my Bible for every scripture i could find on food and eating, and i found many.

i meditated on every one of those scriptures and prayed in the Spirit for seven full days. what was i doing? i was laying hold on a different inner image.

this is not something you can do over night. it takes time. especially if the inner image youre changing has been there for years.

but you can do it. go to the Word of God today and begin to change the images inside you. change them from images of despair images of hope. get a blueprint in your heart and faith will build on it!

 

cat scratch fever

ok. here’s my story. i went skydiving, for the first - and last - time, with my beau last week. everything was going just fine. we were 10,000 ft up. sky was clear as the caribbean sea. light breeze barely felt. and we jumped.

ah the feel of the air as i went ripping through it. felt like i was floating. looked as if everything was standing still. i took it all in as if i were dreaming.

then about 2,000 ft i pulled the cord, and … nothing. argh! ok, no problem. i had a back up. i pulled that one, and it deployed! yea! um … oops. no wait, it twisted. uh oh. but now a rather strong breeze had me, and was blowing me way off course, right into a large, bare pecan tree.

right after i crashed through the limbs of this old tree, that seemed to have its branches raised to catch me, my shoot caught on one of the limbs, and snapped me into another limb, breaking my fall, and nearly breaking me.

but im ok now. just a few bruises and scratches …

thats my story, and im sticking to it.

where was God?

i have asked that question before. ive asked that question, or at least felt it rolling around in the back of my mind, many times since i have lived in tulsa. living here has been like being buried alive.

i was raised as a catholic initially, and went to a catholic grade school. the other kids tormented me almost the whole seven years i went there. the adults never intervened one time. i believed i was inferior. because of dyslexia and a slight depth perception problem, i wasnt too good with ball games at recess, so the other girls always argued over who would get stuck with me on their teams. i finally just quit playing. they all called me possum, because it sounded like my last name.

i did, however, have a teacher who, one time during religion class, told us that salvation was a choice. catholicism teaches that its automatic if youre baptized as a baby. there were other little things like that that happened while i was there. things that suggested God was interested in me. they didnt teach us that, and we never heard the Bible taught. we heard catholicism.

when i was 16 i asked Jesus to come into my heart. He did, and He said something to me that imprinted in my heart forever. He said ”I will never leave you, nor forsake you”. many years later, when i actually read the Bible, i found those words are in there twice.

when i was 23 a gave my heart Him. i set out to know Him, and began to devour the Bible. in doing so, i found a God who was way different than i had been taught. i found He was different than most people think.

in the 27 years that have passed since then, i have found that God is always true to His word. He never fails to keep a promise.

for some people, it seems like God is there fulfilling His promises before they even need it. have you ever noticed that? have you thought, there must be something special about them?

why does it seem like He fails, or chooses not to, for the rest of us?

it seemed like He was a long way off when i was in grade school, enduring mental and emotional torment for those seven years. it seemed like it when i went to junior high, and got much of the same. with a step father who drank heavily, a step sister who bitterly hated me, and a mother who was disabled by depression, its no wonder i rebelled.

but why did i think God was far away? because i had been taught to from the beginning. not in so many words, maybe. but i had been taught to expect that God is hard to reach, harder to win over, and that expecting Him to be there was presumptuous. i was taught to have blind faith. ‘just trust’ meant, no matter what happens, youre expected to believe that God knows best so just put up with it. i was a little child, so i just believed what i was taught.

imagine if i had been taught what the Bible says.

the Bible says its God’s will for us to have days of heaven on earth. the Bible tells us to pray ‘Thy will be done on earth, as it is in heaven”. the Bible says to be imitators of God like beloved children, and that God calls things that are not as though they were. and then they are. and the Bible says that God will never leave us nor forsake us.

well, now i know what the Bible says. when i think back on those days, or when i face new ones, i know where God is. i know He is my covenant partner. i know how seriously He takes His word. i know how seriously i take His word. when i face things that seem to overwhelm me, and i feel like im going under, and i experience great loss or affliction, or when i need or want something, i remember what He has said about it … or i go find out what He has said about it. then i stand on that Word, and i dont let go until it comes to pass.

if i fail to receive His help on something, its on me, not on Him. He can restore the years the locusts have eaten.

where was God? He was there, trying to get to me.

where’s waldo?

where have you been?

you haven’t been by your room in days.

did you fall off the earth?

did you hit her head and forget who you are? well, you never really knew who you were any way …

still …

where could you have possibly gotten off to?

im here. i really have been all along. sort of. ive been in my head.

well, not just there … ive been around.

let me explain.

the last two weeks or so everything has been kind of rearranged. first, i had that awful virus that made me cough and have all that congestion. dragged on for over thirty days. i never really felt ‘bad’, except for a couple of days when i was short of breath. made me kind of tired. but otherwise, i was more annoyed with it.

then the beau informed me his hours had been changed, and for the next two months he was going to have to go into work at 6 instead of 8 in the morning. so i get up at my usual time, but i take my shower right away, and then get him up to get ready. then i take him to work, and come home and feed sammy. then i get sleepy, and take a nap with her before i go to work. thats why i havent been here in the mornings, except briefly to look around.

in the evenings the beau has been tending more to our ebay site, and i have had other things to do around the house. so i havent been here at all in the evenings. instead, i have started a couple of books, spent some time talking to my mother on the phone, and keeping the house a little more diligently. then we get ready for bed, maybe watch a little television or try to watch a movie without falling asleep, and climb into bed around 9:30 or 10.

weekends i havent been here simply because its been nice here, a rare thing for this part of the country. so although i have been home, i havent been in the computer room. ive been playing with the dogs, and organizing stuff that accumulates (like mail, things we buy but dont put away, and stuff that gets thrown in my closet for safety against chewy cats). the beau worked a couple of saturdays, and then spent a couple more at midas - oh thats another blog for later - and sundays we have gone to see a couple of movies, and gone shopping.

so you see, ive been here, but i havent been.

you could have told some one. we were all worried something had happened to you.

im sorry. it wont happen again.

pieces the imperials ‘priority’

pieces

pieces

so many pieces to my life

scattered all around

and some of them are gone

and i know that i cant ever

put them back together again

 

pieces

pieces

so many pieces to my life

a puzzle left unfinished

jumbled and unwhole

who can really ever

put them all together again

 

in a vision like a daydream

through you mind

i saw Jesus coming closer

holding all my hopes combined

He spoke with great compassion

as He put one hand on me

and in the other hand He held

what i could never see

 

He said pieces

pieces

I have all the pieces to your life

a thousand tiny fragments

of every single day

I can put them all together

and there’ll never be another one who can

 

He said pieces

pieces

I have all the pieces to your life

in My hand I hold the pieces

of every single day

I can put them all together

so they’ll never fall away

I can put them all together

and there’ll never be another one who can