how many times have i started this post, only to run out of time i didnt have anyway?
the thing i struggle with most is validation. being taken as one of the rest.
how can i best explain? every one questions themselves occasionally. but i do frequently. not because i doubt my own mind, either. but because i find so often i am questioned and doubted.
once when i was a small child (and oh so often there after), when riding in a car up to washington state for my aunt’s funeral, i saw some deer. the were grown deer, one had antlers, and the other didnt. they also had spots. i was the only one who saw them on the side of the road grazing, up by the trees.
no one believed me. they didnt even pretend to believe me. ‘adult deer dont have spots. you imagined it.’ period.
well, for white tail deer, this is true. but there are a kind of deer that as adults are a small deer with spots. but since the adults didnt know about this small deer, they simply told me i was wrong.
not so wounding, you say? as an isolated event, maybe. but as a moment in time that i remember, that repeated itself over and over again in my life, till i learned that nothing i said was going to be taken as real or valid or trustworthy by anyone, well….
maybe i just need to act like im never wrong…
boy isn’t that the truth… I hear you saying that you feel people are going to doubt you because that was the pattern when you were younger. I doubt myself because I was doubted so much as a child.
when you said “nothing i said was going to be taken as real or valid or trustworthy” it made my heart sink. Its like, why talk at all, its a waste of time. But then we seek that approval or validation so we try, try, and try again.
Austin
we know exactly what each of you are saying. we got to the ppoint of not saying anything because no one would believe us tell us we were stupid or….
yes, we know exactly what you are saying. Kirstin, thanks for visiting us and we will gladly come back and visit you.
peace and blessings
Keepers
Hi Kirsten:
I understand, also. When I was a kid, my mother beat into me that I was stupid and worthless. I didn’t know anything and I would be dangerous if I had half a brain. Those words echo in my brain even today.
Somewhere I read something that literally changed my life. I wish I could remember where I found it. I will have to do a web search for it. But what it said, in essence, was that you CAN be anything you want, and you CAN do anything you want. You simply have to believe that you CAN.
If you want to believe something about yourself all you have to do is tell yourself that thing over and over. You know how easy it is to lie to yourself? This isn’t really any different. You’re actually not lying to yourself, but you’ll approach it as though you were. Ugh! How can I explain this?
Example: I used to be extremely shy. Now, shy is not a word anyone would use to describe me. How did I get over being shy? I decided one day that being shy just wasn’t working for me anymore. I had already found that sentence above, and decided to apply it. I quit acting shy. I started acting assertive, simply by copying those around me who were assertive. It didn’t take too long for me to believe that I was assertive. You know what? As soon as I believed it, then I was assertive.
If you act like you’re never wrong, you’re just going to piss everyone off. If you BELIEVE you are not wrong, then pretty soon, you’ll have to begin to make sure you always know what you’re talking about, and then, you’ll rarely be wrong.